Posts Tagged ‘treadmill’

Just What We Needed

A treadmill that lets you check your e-mail and surf the Web while you run. Because God forbid you should ever do only one thing at a time.

Bye-Bye Bermuda

Got my 5k in this morning on the treadmill and now we’re about to sail away from Bermuda for the day-and-a-half trip back to New York Harbor. But not before we went shopping in Hamilton, and that means a reader giveaway when we get back!

Though we couldn’t find anything to rival the ever-popular Popener, I’m sure you’ll be eager to do whatever is necessary to win these prizes. I’ll develop some sort of competition for one, and give the other away randomly. Stay tuned to this space for details and I’ll talk to you again on Monday when we get back home. Thanks for joining us (virtually) on our vacation.

Don’t Treadmill on Me

They always say to train for the race you will run. So don’t run Pike’s Peak without training at altitude. Don’t run Boston without training for hills. Don’t run the Runaway Bride 5k without training in a wedding gown. And don’t run in Sacramento on Memorial Day without training in the heat.

Viper has been running in the rain, which is what I assume he risks facing in his race. I realized that as much as I had improved, it meant nothing unless I left the comfort of the gym and treadmill for the real world.

To simulate 8:30 a.m. conditions on Memorial Day, I headed out at 10:30 today. To prepare myself for running on pavement instead of a large rubber band, I wore my ankle brace. That, and an ice pack afterwards, will save me a scolding from Joy (maybe).

It pains me to give Viper renewed hope, but road running in 74 degree heat is a lot harder that blasting a 7.6 mph on a treadmill. I started out gingerly, ran a strong middle, and melted at the end for a total 5k time of 27:58.

Yikes.

It was disappointing, but on the positive side at this point Viper can’t tell if I’ll be Sleeveless Windbreaker Guy or Desiccated Superman on race day. I guess we’ll both have to be prepared for anything.

The Funniest Treadmill Videos of All Time

Sure, anyone can post a video of a treadmill accident on the Internet, but it takes thought and creativity to rise to the top of this YouTube sub-genre.

In countdown form, here are the treadmill videos you’ll want to roll over and over again:

#5. The Shrimp. Watching a household pet’s confusion over a moving treadmill is old hat. But there isn’t too much competition for the best shrimp-on-a-treadmill video.

#4. Lazy Cat. Everyone puts his or her cat on the treadmill. An absolute refusal to cooperate lifts this one to elite status.

#3. Japanese Game Show. Your worst treadmill nightmares come to life in this Japanese TV game show called “Running Kooky.”

#2. The Polar Bear. One of the most popular of the Bernard the Polar Bear web video series.

#1. OK Go. Was there ever any doubt? At nearly 35 million views, this is one of the most popular videos in YouTube history.

Torquemada’s Treadmill

First published September 28, 2007

Leg strength tests and body scans are all to the good, but now I was going to get a chance to take a running test. Even those who are relatively new to running have probably heard of an aerobic capacity test – or VO₂ max test. It measures your ability to transport and burn oxygen. If you are able to do this well, your distance running is steady and sure. Do it poorly, and you end up like Pheidippides.

I had a hearty lunch and headed to the small room where exercise physiologist Mike Siemens awaited me, along with a standard treadmill. Many VO₂ max tests involve having sensors pasted to your body and an unwieldy contraption attached to your face. But we had a portable wireless gadget that utilizes a normal heart rate monitor and a standard oxygen mask, sending the data directly to the computer through telemetry – much like a guided missile. Although, in my case, it was more like a Nerf dart thrown by a 4-year-old.

It all hangs on a harness that makes the entire get-up very unobtrusive, enabling you to concentrate on running. Mike explained how the test would work: I would start with a moderate walk, and he would gradually speed things up until I was running at near-top speed, after which he would add incline until I killed myself.

OK, I added that last part, but Mike wanted to make sure I would actually reach my max, but at the same time avoid any macho self-destruction. He mentioned a team of high school track stars who goaded one of their members into exceeding his max and reaching his next physical threshold – barfing.

Off I went. I must have been a little overexcited because my starting heart rate was 86. Walk. Walk fast. Jog slow. Jog. Run slow. Run faster. By minute 12 I was cruising along at my marathon pace, which is 8:30. At minute 13 we accelerated to 8:00 pace. No big deal.

Minute 14 – 7:30, slower than 5K pace for me. Still feel good.

Minute 15 – 7:00. Now I’m cooking. This is like the last 200 yards in a 5K, except I know it’s not going to end.

Minute 16 – My mile best in my old age is 6:36. Mike asks if I want more speed or more incline. I think about it for a second, and picture myself shooting off the back of the treadmill into the wall. “Slope! Slope!” I gasp. Mike adds two degrees of incline.

Minute 17 – “Are you OK?” Mike asks. I summon enough energy to nod my head, but can’t spare the breath to speak. Mike bumps me up to four degrees of incline.

Oh. Dear. God.

Not only am I running for my life, but up an endless sand dune. My mind departs my body, unwilling to share in the breathless agony. It hovers above me, staring at the treadmill timer—exhorting it, willing it to reach the magic number 18:00.

I make it! And fortunately Mike can see that if he adds two more degrees of incline I’m more likely to vault over the handrail and grab him by the throat. He slows the treadmill gradually while I focus on avoiding a facer into the control panel.

I soon experience a “runner’s high,” otherwise known as “stopping.” It feels so sweet.