If you’re going to be a real non-runner, the first rule is don’t apologize. Notwithstanding what you and your rail-thin friends seem to believe, running 26.2 miles is not a natural thing. Were it so, we would have been born with pouches (a la the kangaroo) to hold our water bottles and energy gels.So there’s no need explain why you’ve chosen not to tax your body to its natural limits. The real question is why anyone would engage in such self-torture in the first place? As far as non-preparation is concerned, rule number one is to avoid Italian restaurants the night before major marathons. Don’t get me wrong; it’s still very important to consume outsized portions of delicious carbohydrates. But if you do it at a popular pasta restaurant, it likely will be packed with runners loading up for the next day’s race. And nothing ruins your appetite like trying to stuff yourself while surrounded by fit, healthy people.

Come race day, if you live anywhere near the course, get up good and early. Don’t worry — I’m not urging you to do yoga or a brisk walk in some sort of show of solidarity with the runners. I just want you to be able to head out before the race gets going and shuts down countless major thoroughfares in the city, thus preventing you from getting your latte or doughnuts.