Posts Tagged ‘cruising’

Running on the Ocean

We’re aboard the MS Veendam on our merry way to Bermuda. We departed New York amid a rainstorm and 32-mile-per-hour headwinds. It’s astonishing I managed to get this shot of the Statue of Liberty since I was at serious risk of ending up in the drink like Kate Winslet. (I can’t face those endless parties and cotillions, either.)

The Lovely Mrs. A. and I have spent a lot of time on cruise ships over the years. We tend to get the best value for our travel dollar and we don’t have to spend half our day trying to figure out where we’re going to eat next.

There are some drawbacks, however. One is that we’re encased with the same group of people for the whole week. So, just as you might do during a road race, we start to assign them names based on their most striking characteristic. Such as Salad Dressing Guy.

I understand people have different dietary needs, but I must say this was a first for me. I saw a guy come back from the salad bar with a plate full of veggies, then proceed to dig into his backpack and pull out an unopened bottle of salad dressing, the contents of which he then used to adorn his meal.

I wondered if the salad dressing was his only personalized condiment, or if his backpack also contained an assortment of mustards, syrups, sauces and marinades. Was this his usual practice or an emergency procedure at sea? Did he have a rare oil and vinegar allergy?

During lunch we were entertained by Ryan the Solo Guitarist. Ryan accompanies himself on the kazoo. You would think this choice of instrument would confine Ryan to light-hearted and comedic versions of novelty tunes, but Ryan fancied himself a crooner, and sang “Crocodile Rock” as if it were a rendition of the Ave Maria.

Exercise aboard can also be problematic. There is a deck that encircles the entire length of the ship, but you’re not allowed to run on it, as there are cabins below it. The ship has a fair-sized fitness center with all the standard equipment, including six or seven treadmills.

Treadmill running on the open sea is unlike your normal experience. Imagine your treadmill on the back of an elephant trying to cross a fast-moving stream by leaping from rock to rock. Now imagine the rocks are hot. It’s something like that.

It’s important to concentrate on your footing, but it’s easy to be distracted by Heart Attack Guy, who’s running on the next treadmill. He’s not unique to cruise ships. You may have seen him at your own gym or on the street. Heart Attack Guy is going to get healthy even if it kills him. He’s going too fast for his conditioning, he’s gasping like a beached walrus, and he’s hanging onto the rails like grim death. But he’ll get that 2.25 mile workout in. He doesn’t need a cool down. He’s in the best shape of his life.

Next to Heart Attack Guy is Frontier Woman. After years of killing her own food and living in the wilderness, she decided that a Bermuda cruise is the perfect opportunity to visit the 21st century. Standing on the treadmill in her slacks and sandals, she stares at the screen as if the machine runs on sheer willpower. After receiving assistance, she is startled by the motion, as though an evil spirit has brought this mechanical monster to life. She walks gingerly, expecting it to swallow her whole.

I completed my 5k in the allotted 30 minutes. We’ll be at sea for the rest of the day, anchoring at St. George in the morning. We’re planning on some beach time and I’m hoping to try my first open-water swim. Well, I’ll probably remain about 10 feet from the shore, but it still counts, doesn’t it?