Pittsburgh Police Defuse Improvised Pasta Device During Marathon

The ravioli was destroyed, but the ziti was saved.

Due to heightened tensions caused by the Times Square car bomb, Pittsburgh police took no chances when they found a small microwave oven on the sidewalk just short of the finish line of the Pittsburgh Marathon.

They cleared the area, diverting runners around the block, and used a robot to examine the oven.

“Certainly, from what we did see on the X-rays, we were highly concerned,” said police Lt. Kevin Kraus.

So concerned that the bomb squad detonated the oven, spreading its contents all over the street. Runners finished the race safely, unaware that they almost became the victims of civilization’s first ravioli bomb.

Lt. Kraus said the contents “were definitely questionable and highly suspicious.” He’s right. Who in their right mind would microwave ravioli?