Pipe Puppy Prompts Purple Prose

I’m a sucker for a “runners-rescue-puppy-stuck-in-storm-drain” story, but I draw the line when the reporter writes it from the point-of-view of the puppy:

“It’s so dark and the water is too deep for me everywhere I try to find a way out. I don’t know whether to go forward or backward or which turn to take or if I will ever find a way out.”

Do you think puppies pray? If they do, this one surely had every reason to hope there was an answer to his desperate condition. He must have been very, very scared…

…This particular morning, a couple – Karen and Perry Grice were the first whose running shoes sent vibrations underground, down to the formerly quiet, dark, water-laden connection of pipes, where a frightened puppy could only wonder what those vibrations meant. His hopes lifted as he let out cries for help.

Wow. An animal control officer pulled the puppy from the pipe and it’s fine now, but we’ll keep the Pulitzer committee on standby.