Brother, Can You Spare a Catheter?

A tip of the hat to crossn81 for letting me know about this story in the comments section of yesterday’s post. Of course, by now the story has been picked up by the Associated Press, featured on Dave Barry’s blog, and appeared on (at last count) 169 news sites. Which just goes to show you, if someone tips you to a bizarre running story, you should try to get it on the Internet tubes as quickly as possible.

Anyway, no matter how many years you live on this earth, it is unlikely you will ever again see a headline that reads:

“Marathoner, 81, wins in his age group after using a borrowed catheter”

If you haven’t seen the story, the short version is that 81-year-old Jerry Johncock (yes, his real name) was suffering from a blood clot in his urethra at about mile 21 of the Twin Cities Marathon. The medical tent didn’t have a catheter, so he borrowed one a helpful bystander had in his car. Johncock finished the race, winning his age group. After further review, race officials decided the borrowed catheter did not constitute “improper assistance.”

There is a lot that could be written about this incident, but I can’t get past asking this one question:

What would be equivalent to the statement, “I have a catheter in my car. You can borrow it.”?

a) “I keep an extra diaphragm in my shoebox. You’re welcome to it.”

b) “These tongue depressors have only been used once.”

c) “I was cleaning out the attic and found an old rectal thermometer. You want it?”

d) “Grandpa passed away last week and he won’t be needing his artificial limb anymore.”

e) “I’ve been saving my shaved back hair for years, if you’d like it for your hair plugs.”

Add your ideas in the comments section.