Do You Have Monkey Butt?

When you host a world-famous running site, people seek out your expert opinions on all sorts of great and useful products related to running – shoes, apparel, detergent, iPods, Garmins, you name it.

When you host a running site called Running Is Funny, people immediately think “monkey butt.”

The good folks at Anti Monkey Butt Powder believe this is the perfect vehicle to let you know about their product. And, fortunately for both of us, they’re right.

AMBP is a powder designed to prevent and relieve chafing caused by the friction of clothing on “sensitive” areas. This is a problem common not only to runners, but cyclists and long-haul truckers as well, which results in the unsightly and painful monkey butt (or monkey thighs, but I digress).

There are a number of solutions to this problem, the worst one being to walk out of the bathroom with your pants around your ankles, shouting, “I have monkey butt, honey! Look!” Not that that is something I would ever do, you understand.

Better yet to apply AMBP as a preventative or treatment. It’s not a magic formula; it’s sensible. It contains talc, calamine powder, and fragrance (which is neutral and pleasant). Calamine has been used for generations as a mild anti-itching agent. So even if you have chicken pox rather than monkey butt, it will bring you some relief.

I don’t get monkey butt, but I do suffer from occasional thigh chafing after long runs, so I applied AMBP liberally – too liberally, actually. A little bit of the product goes a long way, and if you’re not careful you could end up with paste pants. It worked just as well as my usual application of vaseline, though I do have to say the vaseline held up better over the very long haul. You’re probably also better off with a lubricant on your toes, rather than a powder.

Once you get a hang of the dosage, it feels better on your skin and you don’t have to deal with the goopy mess than vaseline can cause. But its biggest advantage is that the calamine powder will soothe your inflamed skin if you already have chafing and want to feel better.

You can purchase Anti Monkey Butt Powder directly from their web site at $5.95 for a six ounce plastic bottle, or at a Rite-Aid or Walmart near you. I suspect six ounces will last a long time. They also sell Lady Anti Monkey Butt. I have a pretty good marketing idea, but I’m trying to keep this G-rated.

Anti Monkey Butt Powder is for external use only, so no matter how ugly some of your friends may be, DO NOT rub Anti Monkey Butt Powder on their faces. It will not have the desired effect.