Archive for March, 2009

When Underwear Is Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Wear Underwear

The International Swimming Federation ruled that competitive swimmers cannot wear anything underneath their swimsuits, for modesty’s sake or otherwise. The decision came days after Sweden’s Therese Alshammar lost a world record performance when officials learned she was wearing a second swimsuit. The rationale was that a second suit provides increased buoyancy.

This made me consider hypothetical equivalent situations in the world of running:

* A runner is disqualified when it is discovered her maxi pad has wings.

* A runner loses a bronze medal for attaching propellers to his nip guards.

* A runner’s photo finish victory is taken away because her pointy sports bra exceeded established limits.

* Pre-race ice baths cause controversy over whether shrinkage reduces drag and gives runners an unfair advantage.

* US Track & Field rules thongs do not provide an actual slingshot effect.

* Victoria’s Secret and UnderArmor to merge after third date.

The Magic of Carbs

Yesterday I began my six-week Fleet Feet training group for the American River Parkway Half Marathon on May 2, a race I’m not even sure I’m going to run. The group consists mostly of holdovers from the previous training group (we got a 10% discount) and because of the truncated schedule, our first run was a seven-miler.

I decided at last to get serious about my pre-run nutrition. About 90 minutes before the run, I had coffee with two raw sugars, a bowl of Kashi Heart to Heart Golden Brown Maple Oatmeal (plus a tiny box of raisins), and an oatmeal raisin Power Bar. In the car on the way over I had a wild cherry Clif Shot Block. That’s about 108 grams of carbs for a seven-mile run.

I knew my tendency would be to go out too fast, so I settled in behind the lead pack in the early going, covering the first three miles in 25:30. Then I began to pick up speed. I took the lead soon after mile 4 and continued to pick up speed. By mile 5 I was all alone and feeling pretty good about myself. I was about to start reeling it in when I heard footsteps behind me. One of the younger guys was making a move.

Yes, yes, I told myself this is a training run, supposedly at long, slow pace and if he wanted to go screaming past me I should just let him and concentrate on my own workout. But I was wired so I said screw it and picked up the pace.

I’d like to tell you I dusted him from that point on, but the little bastard hung on like a leech. I poured it on but I could still hear him – a little closer, then a little further away, then a little closer. About a quarter-mile from the end I started to question what the hell I was doing, but I determined to finish first regardless. One last burst and he faded. I finished in 56:37.

I shook hands with him afterward and he told me he had run a 1:43 half-marathon last week. That was 14 minutes faster than mine.

A couple of weeks ago, Viper discussed his glee at blowing past a floundering opponent at the end of a race. I can tell you that doggedly holding off a guy trying to blow past you is just as rewarding. And I owe that feeling to the massive (to me) dose of carbs I began with. I’m resolved never to bonk again.

Woody Allen Is Not a Runner

Woody Allen once said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” He had a point, but his math was faulty.

The updated standings in the 2009 Buzz Oates Run Sac Race Series were released and my less-than-stellar half-marathon rocketed me from 64th place to 34th. How is that possible, you say? Well, if you don’t run the race, you get zero points. Though there are currently 136 runners in the men’s division, only 41 ran both races in the series thus far.

Just showing up and completing the race pushed me past dozens of runners. The bad news is that the series gives you 14 opportunities to complete 8 races – four of 5 miles or less, four of more than 5 miles. So as the year progresses, my advantage will mostly disappear.

The good news is that I’ve run one decent race and one crummy one, and will get better. The rankings use the scores from your eight best races if you run more than eight. I’m not in the same league as most of the other runners in the standings, but I know I can move up out of the cellar.

If Woody were a runner, he would recalculate success to 50% showing up, 30% grinding it out, 15% not doing something stupid, and 5% good fortune. That 15% is what trips me up.

New Danger in Running

Dateline – Chapel Hill, North Carolina:

Chapel Hill police charged a woman with drunk and disruptive conduct after watching her grab male runners on a jogging trail.

Lt. Kevin Gunter of the Chapel Hill Police Department said it happened on the Bolin Creek Trail Tuesday afternoon.

Gunter said officers got a report of something going on along the trail and went to check it out. When they arrived, they found 43-year-old Njeri Ngugi holding onto a male jogger.

When they approached, she let the man go. Police say they asked Ngugi what she was doing, and she told them she was having a good time. They also said she smelled of alcohol, was acting erratically, and was cursing and grabbing her crotch.

As they arrested Ngugi for being drunk and disruptive, she allegedly spit in an officer’s face, so they added a charge of malicious conduct by a prisoner. This is Ngugi’s second brush with the law in a week. Last weekend, she was charged with marijuana possession after an officer spotted her rolling a joint in front of a downtown coffee shop.

Saucony Sponsors Porta-Potty for Runners

‘We know pit stops happen … because we run” says the sign on a porta-john placed on the Newton stretch of the Boston Marathon course. Saucony is sponsoring the outdoor toilet for runners training for the race, but it will be removed before the marathon itself.

The Carnival of Running #21

Welcome to the 21st edition of The Carnival of Running!

Everyone with a running blog mentions films about running. Only here will you find clips of people running in films not about running (well, except for the short Chariots of Fire clip).

Here are some excellent videos of the Gate River Run 15k in Jacksonville, Florida. The race features a large screen TV over the finish line so you can watch yourself stagger to the finish! Outstanding idea.

USA Track and Field reports that ESPN’s ratings for track events are up significantly from last year. Audience share is still tiny, but I’ll watch track over anything except football.

I don’t know if many of you follow college track, but Galen Rupp had a pretty good weekend.

In the Swarthmore College campus newspaper, Kenneth Friedenberg describes how running is “terrifying but necessary.” He writes, “Running is the worst part of every sport, yet you choose to do it as your only sport.” You got it, Kenneth. Who the hell wants to run AND get knocked down?

These college kids must be hurting bad. At the University of Kansas, Mark Dent writes, “We live for pushing our body in ways that create new types of pain on an often daily basis, and usually do so early in the morning before school or work, or late at night, after the day is over and we should be watching TV or at least doing something that doesn’t cause exhaustion.”

Barefoot Rick Roeber is the subject of yet another newspaper profile. This guy gets more press than Ryan Hall. I wonder if running without pants would get this much attention.

The editor of Running Times magazine reports on the Asics shoe show. How bored to you have to be to get excited about a shoe show?

Motivation articles bore me, too, but I really loved this one. Two bits of advice especially: “A bad run is better than no run at all” and “Start a running blog and read other running blogs regularly.”

You might think there isn’t much to do in Jamestown, North Dakota. And you would be right. But once a year, you can participate in the Running O’ the Green, which involves hitting nine different bars during the course of the race. “A stupid, drunken orgy,” race organizer Larry Knoblich calls it. That’s an endorsement if I ever heard one.

More than 9,400 runners raced a St. Patrick’s Day 5k in Pensacola, Florida, including one guy dressed as an Imperial storm trooper and another as a cow.

A hash run in Palm Springs, California, has an unusual twist. “There will be about 250 heterosexual, homophobic urbanites running into a really, really gay bar in women’s lingerie,” Rick Tjader, one of the organizers, said tongue-in-cheek.

If lingerie isn’t your thing, but you still like to dress up, how about the Stiletto Stampede?

How do you train for the North Pole Marathon? By running in snowshoes on the beach at Coney Island.

Can music increase your endurance? A university study says yes.

If you were planning to run the Beach to Beacon Road 10K in Cape Elizabeth, Maine, this year you’re out of luck. The field of 6,000 filled up in 1 hour, 45 minutes.

Marathon registrations are up despite the sour economy, but it’s tougher for charity runners to raise money.

Here’s an interview with Sir Roger Bannister, the first man to break the four-minute mile. He’s now 80 years old. I can finally tell people I run like Roger Bannister.

Researchers at the University of Newcastle have found no scientific evidence to support claims that commonly recommended running shoes prevent injuries in runners. Great! It’s back to wearing bunny slippers for me.

The laziest marathoner ever decides he needs to speed up.

Frayed Laces tells us to beware at this time of year.

Steve in a Speedo has the finalists in the Tales of a Virgin Athlete contest. They all sound like winners to me.

If I read this right, Running on Empty wants you to tell him he’s a piece of crap.

Xenia at Diggin’ It has a vivid race report, but males might want to stop reading after the bullets.

Help Chic Runner name her new Garmin! I’m old school, so I think you should name any electronic device you love “Robby,” after this guy.

That’s all for this time, friends. Ah, spring in the air. Or as Groucho Marx once said, “Who me? I should spring in the air and fall in the lake?” Submit your posts to carnival@runningisfunny.com. Now run away!

Biggest Loser Dane to Try It Without the Van This Time

Dane Patterson, eliminated contestant on NBC’s The Biggest Loser weight-loss reality show, plans to run in Nashville’s Country Music Marathon on April 25.

You’ll recall Patterson’s last marathon attempt featured a three-mile van ride so he could reach the finish in under six hours – an error in judgment exacerbated by NBC when the network claimed he ran it in 3:53.

Proving once again that no public disgrace is so bad that it can’t be turned into a commercial opportunity, the Country Music Marathon is promoting Dane’s participation as a “Run for Redemption”:

He is welcoming runners to sign up to “Run with Dane” as he challenges himself to the 26.2 mile course on Saturday, April 25th in Nashville, TN. Patterson, who is 27, had planned on running another marathon in April to show that he could complete a race. “I am thrilled to have this opportunity and encourage others runners to come out and join me on the course,” says Patterson.

Hopefully, someone let Dane (and NBC) know that the race has a seven-hour time limit.