Archive for January, 2009

Running Gear Design Brainstorm

Run Oregon blogger Kelly Johnson posted an interesting thought experiment titled, “Running clothes and gear I wish they’d make.” Her suggestions include an iPod with a one-earbud headset and tights with warmer panels on the thighs and glutes.

I’d like to see long-sleeve running shirts with GU pockets on the forearms (or maybe a stillsuit), running shoes that last longer than 500 miles, and High Speed Tonic with Vitamins R, P and M.

Put your wish list in the comments section.

I Win the Mucinex 5k

All right, so I didn’t win – in fact I was a distant second to Mr. Mucus. And Mucinex didn’t sponsor the race. And it wasn’t a 5k, it was 3.75 miles. And it wasn’t a race at all, but an attempt at a training run after being sidelined since Saturday with the flu. But what a great idea for a race, eh?

Instead of water and Gatorade, aid stations would have hot tea and chicken soup. At each mile marker you would stop to clear your ears. Instead of age group awards, you would receive prizes for “rheumiest eyes” or “fastest running nose.”

Anyway, I covered the distance in 33 minutes, which was pathetic. My legs felt fresh but it was like running in chemical warfare gear. It was hard to breathe and I was really overheating.

This does not bode well for my 8-miler on Saturday.

The Carnival of Running #14

Welcome to the 14th edition of The Carnival of Running!

Wish I could embed this video, but it’s worth following the link to see a short clip of participants in the Minneapolis Winter Carnival Run.

PreClassic.com has lots of video of past Prefontaine Classics.

Just Your Average Joggler informs us that refined sugars are addictive. This fails, however, to explain the Kenyan Secret.

Blair at Run to Win shows us what you have to eat to prepare for a 50-miler, which, as you might suspect, includes just about everything.

Running and Rambling learns from The Biggest Loser.

In the “Duh” category, we have the news that running a marathon is a net benefit for your body, and that you can’t totally change your body in six weeks with three 20-minute exercise sessions a week.

Run DMZ wants to know who’s wearing “revealing clothing” at the gym.

If clothing is a problem, a lawyer for one of the Naked Pumpkin 12 claims the race is “a form of artistic expression” and asks one of mankind’s timeless questions: “How does one prove that anyone saw a defendant’s vulva in the excitement of the run?”

How about funny clothing? Paul Fernandez is now the fastest person ever to run a marathon dressed as a clown. Not content to rest on his laurels, his next goal is to set the marathon record for a runner dressed as Father Christmas. Ah, but can he wax a chump like a candle?

The Great Aloha Run is looking for a few good Marines to run the race in formation while chanting their cadences.

Speaking of Marines, many of you know what it’s like to run the Marine Corps Marathon, but I’ll bet you don’t know what it’s like to “run” the Marine Corps Marathon.

Unless you’re a Native American, you probably won’t get a chance to run the Fort Robinson Outbreak Spiritual Run.

In Britain there’s a proposal to cut youth crime by teaching high school students how to free run. Wouldn’t that just make it easier for them to evade police?

The British teach us that not only is running funny, but so is jumping. Long jumper Jonathan Moore leapt naked from the roof of his house. My favorite part of the story is this reporter’s gem: “His fall, which was estimated at between six and seven metres, was broken when he hit the canopy of Mr Labuschagne’s Ford Bantam pick-up truck.” Apparently, Moore had recently long-jumped 7.37 meters, so maybe he was just going for a personal best. I’m sure he stuck the landing.

How to deal with indoor running boredom? Well, you could try double features, but be aware you can’t set an indoor marathon record unless the track is only 200 meters long.

Want thousands to cheer for you but can’t make that pesky Boston qualifying time? I Signed Up For This?!? has the solution.

The Rock ‘n’ Roll people gobbled up another marathon, but if all those marathons are wearing you out, sign up for the next Great 1/9th Miler in Burlington, Vermont. Or you can to the other extreme like Sam Thompson and run to each of Seattle’s 27 public libraries in one day.

The commenters on this Washington Post story hammer the 39-year-old “aging athlete”.

Finally, I have to ask Nitmos, “What took you so long? Johnson here was about to shit himself.”

That’s all for this time, friends. While you’re thinking about whether “The Snot Rockets” would be a good name for a racing team, remember to submit your posts to carnival@runningisfunny.com. Now run away!

Remaining Phlegmatic

Ah, the joys of chest congestion! The hacking, the spewing of gobs, the animalistic noises, the foul taste in your mouth, the constant whirring of the humidifier, the endless varieties of over-the-counter cold and flu medicines, the steady diet of soup and other assorted hot fluids, the newfound ability to impersonate Tom Waits, the spending all day in your pajamas, and, of course, the inability to run your daily miles without inverting your lungs. It’s a real treat.

Through it all, however, it’s comforting to know that it will soon be all better. It isn’t shin splints, or peroneal tendonitis, or a stress fracture, or any one of a thousand ailments that puts you out of commission and sets back your training. I probably needed this forced “taper” anyway.

You also get to catch up on your reading. Look at this great bit of advice I found on the Internet:

Once you’ve got a chest full of dried phlegm, how do you get it out?   The key word here is “dry.”  Ever notice how a steamy shower makes you cough?  That’s because water vapor moistens and loosens the dried phlegm, which then starts to slide down the bronchial tubes. It tickles a new area and makes you cough. However, you want the phlegm to go up and out.

How do you get phlegm up?  Easy: steam up your lungs. 5 or 10 minutes in a closed bathroom full of steam works fine. Then, lie face down on a bed or couch with your head, shoulders, and back hanging downward over the edge, and have somebody pound your back with cupped hands while you’re breathing as deep as you can and coughing hard. Do the chest percussion twice a day if possible. This may help you get some phlegm up and out, which is where you want it. Chest percussion should last about 5 minutes. Have a cup nearby for the phlegm.

My advice is don’t ask your spouse to help you with chest percussion if you want to stay married.

My Nose Is Running But I’m Not

Had a reasonably good seven-miler on Saturday, but was never able to shift into higher gear. When I finished, I immediately burst into a drenching sweat, then got the chills. By the time I got home I was a wreck.

So now I’ve gone through my standard progression of sore throat, dry cough, sinus and chest congestion – soon to be followed by the always popular phlegm!

Had to skip my Sunday long run and tomorrow’s workout is looking a bit iffy, too. On the plus side, there’s plenty of soup.

Coregasms?

ABC News has a list of strange things that can happen to your body because of intense exercise. They include black toenails, migraines and anaphylaxis, but also “coregasms.” I’ll let them explain:

A phenomenon hotly debated on Internet message boards, many women claim to have orgasms while exercising, primarily during core muscle work, giving it the moniker “coregasm.”

Crunches, hanging leg raises and other moves that tense and relax muscles surrounding the pelvis and the pelvic floor muscles seem to be the best triggers for coregasms.

“Orgasm is a physiological response,” said Bean Robinson, associate director of the Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota Medical School. “We know some women who can have orgasms without any physical stimulation, just mental stimulation. … It makes perfect sense to me that someone could have an orgasm [while exercising.]”

In addition, the pleasure hormones — endorphin and dopamine — that are released during exercise may contribute to coregasms.

But the phenomenon may still be rare enough to render the medical community skeptical. Few men have come forward with the same experience.

“I don’t know of any science that supports that,” said Dr. Ann Hoch, associate professor and director of the Women’s Sports Medicine Program at the Medical College of Wisconsin.

Hey, whatever works, but people already have unrealistic expectations about the benefit of crunches, and this will just add to it. Also, the line between sex and exercise is becoming increasingly blurred.

Lost in Space

I’ve had my first two group training runs with Fleet Feet Sacramento, working towards the Shamrock’n Half-Marathon on March 15. Things are going pretty well, but I’ve never been at the front of the pack in my life and I’m having an embarrassing problem:

I keep getting lost.

Oh, the trail itself is easy to follow but on both occasions I’ve completely missed the turnaround point. The first time it evidently was placed incorrectly. The second time was a stranger experience.

We were running at night along the American River trail, which is marked in spray paint each half-mile, but it’s really dark out there. We all run with flashlights or head-lamps, which barely protect you from the potholes. Anyway, the coach says she has marked the turnaround point with cones. Good enough.

So I’m tearing along, I can hardly see my feet, and I cannot see my watch at all. There are a couple of people with me, but it’s mostly like running in an isolation tank, with only a thin halo of light in front and the sound of feet slapping on the asphalt. If you’d like to experience the feeling, get on a treadmill at 7.5 mph and have someone turn off all the lights.

After a while, I stop paying attention to my running and start sweeping my flashlight from side to side, looking for cones, or half-mile markers, or anything to let me know I haven’t run all the way to Folsom. As I begin to give up hope, I hear a voice from up on the levee shout, “Hey, up here!” Sure enough, the turnaround point isn’t even on the trail, it’s above it.

I get some unscheduled hill training climbing up the levee, and spot the cones – not the giant freeway traffic cones I was expecting, but little tiny orange ice cream cone-sized cones, unlit, of course.

I’m not sure how to avoid this problem in the future, but I have one idea.