Archive for November, 2008

The Carnival of Running #7

Welcome to the 7th edition of The Carnival of Running!

This week we have a nice combination of funny odd and funny ha-ha stuff for your reading and viewing pleasure. Let’s begin with a tip of the hat to Ramblings of a Running Addict for finding this YouTube video:

We love running. We love writing about running. But most of all, we love writing about disgusting bodily functions associated with running. Steve in a Speedo?! Gross! provides too much information in his poop post, while Running Off at the Mind asks, “How do I pee in the bus’ bathroom while going 70mph?”

I Signed Up for This?!? is thrilled that the cold weather allows her to practice her snot rocket technique but, believe it or not, she was not the only one with a snot rocket blog post. joyRuN had one of her own, but I decided not to use Half-Fast’s “snot rocketeer” post, since I much preferred his injury treatment regimen of forgoing R.I.C.E. in order to use F.B.N.H.

Meanwhile, Tips for Training and Coaching is looking for topics to blog about. How about snot rockets? It’s all the rage!

Xenia at Diggin’ It wants your best advice for pre-race preparation. (Tip #1: Blow your nose before the gun goes off.)

Just Your Average Joggler has some excellent safety tips for both running and juggling outdoors, not one of which involves shooting snot rockets while running and juggling three machetes.

I’ll Run from Donuts had a fast week by skipping Wednesday. Skipping miles 2-4 makes your race go faster, too.

Are you a marathon maniac? Find out by taking this simple quiz.

It’s a story older than recorded history. Man finds woman standing in kitchen sink. Man gets upset. Woman doesn’t understand why. Man says: “The sink is only about an inch, maybe an inch and a half, thick. It’s not meant to support your weight!” To which Woman replies, “How much do you think I weigh?”

It was also a week for literature and verse. Sarah at Running into the Sun waxed poetic about the winter weather, while Adventure Seeker provided these lines as Quote of the Day:

“Some people create with words, or with music, or with a brush and paints. I like to make something beautiful when I run. I like to make people stop and say, ‘I’ve never seen anyone run like that before.’ It’s more then just a race, it’s a style. It’s doing something better then anyone else. It’s being creative.”

When I run, people are always saying, “I’ve never seen anyone run like that before.” Mostly because they don’t recognize it as running. Such thinking leads to many imponderable questions, such as the ones deliberated upon by Excuse #1 I’m Not Fit to Run.

Mostly Running… has some “tragedikal events” to relate, but he gets extra plus points for using footnotes in a blog post.

Running is funny, but Girl on Top writes the single saddest sentence ever penned in the English language: “I never saw it in those eyes, but in the first few months of our marriage, I cried at night while he was up playing Warcraft.”

Run Dando Run! describes the 20-miler before his first marathon succinctly as “complete torture,” but Jen’s Runnings and Ramblings is much more upbeat in the race report of her first marathon, in San Antonio. Training for a Half goes one better and provides not just a race report, but a massage report, too.

Thanks to Dawn – Pink Chick for the link to this video, titled “Why I Run.”

Finally, from the news we learn that the new owners of the Los Angeles Marathon have decided to move the race from early March to Memorial Day. As you can see from the readers’ comments, opinions on the move range from “stupid” to “really stupid” to “criminally stupid.” This prompted the Los Angeles Times to run a second story, just so people would have more space to complain.

The organizers of the San Diego Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon are even more thrilled. Their race is the Sunday after Memorial Day.

Yep, lots of happy people out here in the Golden State, particularly those who put together the first ever Pasadena Marathon, which was canceled due to smoke from the southern California fires.

It’s just as well. With all the smoke and ash, runners’ eyes would sting, and their noses would start to run, and you know what that leads to. That’s all for this time, friends. Submit your posts to carnival@runningisfunny.com. Now run away!

Training Forward

I’ve always selected my target race first, then worked my training schedule backwards from it. That worked pretty well as long as I stayed healthy, but after a few injuries it cost me quite a bit of money in lost race registrations and training program fees.

Since the goal now is not just to run a marathon, but to run one under 3:36, I don’t see any point in selecting the race first, then trying to fit the training into that timetable. Instead, I’m training to run as many 8-minute miles as I can possibly string together. Once I get myself back close to my half-marathon PR time (1:41), then I’ll start thinking about races and schedules.

So, managed a pretty good tempo run today – six miles in 48:23.

Why I Don’t Try-athlon

I was watching highlights of an Ironman competition in Lake Placid on TV yesterday while doing the laundry (yes, I’m living the wild life). I admire triathletes and I avoid calling them nuts because non-runners call me nuts. Nevertheless, I’d never even think about doing one.

The first problem is the swimming. You have to cover 2.4 miles of ocean – horizontally. If the race were to determine who could most quickly sink from the surface to the ocean floor, I might have a chance. Running a marathon is tough, but at least no one is kicking you in the head during the start.

Second, the transitions. What other kind of race requires you to change clothes, and that time is included in your race time? People wear all kinds of special gear and train for months. Does that mean you also have to train to put on your running shoes faster and peel off your wetsuit faster? (“OK, honey, your wetsuit PR is 8.3 seconds, grab the zipper and GO!”)

Next, the bike. Not the cycling, the bike itself. If everything goes perfectly, it shouldn’t be beyond reason to cycle 112 miles. But things don’t go perfectly and apparently you have to double as a bike mechanic and carry spare inner tubes, Allen wrenches and pumps. During a marathon I have never had to stop and resole my shoes.

And who wants to race wearing one of those goofy aerodynamic bike helmets? Why not really stand out and wear a Rocketeer helmet?

I’ll stick to the distance runner’s triathlon: running, eating and snoozing.

Winter Sweat

Yesterday I spent 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. It’s hard to compare my progress relative to running. At Level 5, the machine said I covered 7.8 miles. That’s bicycle speed, not running speed, but I looked like a wet rag when I was finished.

Nothing compared to today, however. It’s 68 degrees right now in Sacramento, on its way up to 76. In the middle of November. I sloshed my way through 6 miles in under 51 minutes. If I lived closer to the beach I’d be lying on the sand right now with a bad spy novel.

It’s Not a Stretch

Oh, thank God! I’ve been waiting for this news for years:

“The old presumption that holding a stretch for 20 to 30 seconds — known as static stretching — primes muscles for a workout is dead wrong. It actually weakens them. In a recent study conducted at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, athletes generated less force from their leg muscles after static stretching than they did after not stretching at all. Other studies have found that this stretching decreases muscle strength by as much as 30 percent. Also, stretching one leg’s muscles can reduce strength in the other leg as well, probably because the central nervous system rebels against the movements.”

So, no need to go through that ridiculous stretching routine before you run. That’s the good news. The bad news is that another study confirmed this by ripping the legs off laboratory bunnies. I’m not kidding.

The Carnival of Running #6

Welcome to the 6th edition of The Carnival of Running!

This Veterans Day many running bloggers took the time out to thank veterans for their service. I’d like to echo those thanks, and as a veteran myself, say “You’re welcome, America!”

Wrapping up details from previous week’s events, we have Universal Sports with on-demand video of the entire New York City Marathon, or individual segments if you don’t have four hours to kill.

Sorry, no video of Marci Runs the Marathon. She was forced to run the race with her, um, monthly companion.

Speaking of marathons, remember Arien O’Connell, who sort of won the Nike Women’s Marathon? Reebok visited her classroom at the Beginning with Children charter school in Brooklyn, presented her with a trophy, gear for her and her students, and a $2,500 donation to the school.

Halloween has been over for two weeks, but Nitmos is still appropriating his kids’ candy. He isn’t as bad as I am, though. I buy bags of Halloween candy even though I haven’t had a trick-or-treater visit in three years.

The Carnival has featured runners dressed as gorillas, turkeys and naked pumpkins, but Steve in a Speedo?! gross! can run six-minute miles dressed as a tomato (photos included).

But that’s far from all. We also have The Running Moron competing in the Men in Kilts 5k, while Pigtails Flying drags herself out of bed just to try out her new red running gloves.

Yes, it’s outfits galore, with See Kai Run. See Kai Eat. reminding us, “To wear running tights, you better damn well believe you’re a runner.”

Maybe, but you really have to have b*lls to run the marathon dressed like this:

It’s doubly dangerous because you might meet someone like Half-Fast, looking for things to do while on his long run. Half-Fast sticks to “Ding, Dong, Ditch” as a good way to work in fartleks, but some comedian might prefer “Ding Dong Sack-Whack.”

If that befalls you, I Heart Running claims “What Doesn’t Kill You Will Only Make You Stronger.” She apparently has never been run over by a bus.

At zipper quigley, Jeff introduces us to a new concept in warm-ups: the pre-marathon haka.

We don’t all have such fun. Diggin’ It wears out the asterisk on her keyboard describing her long run (content warning for naked male buttocks).

Sistahs with Blistahs works through a lot of preparation and guilt for a 30-minute run, while I Signed Up For This?!? had a one-man cheering squad on her run, which is why I don’t let my wife run by herself.

You could try to avoid such mishaps by heading to your local gym, but be forewarned! The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy is cheating on her old gym, because she “was curious what it would be like to work out with equipment that wasn’t riddled with tetanus or that didn’t have the overwhelming stench of armpit and old shellfish.”

Running On Empty describes a girl at the gym who was able to text message the entire time she used the stair-stepper, but Journey to 13.1…One Advil at a Time is pleased with a new gym, remarking, “In all the times I’ve been there, I’ve never once seen a woman in full make-up, which is a good sign.”

If you’re serious about running, Run to Win has news of the governance restructuring at USA Track and Field, Marathon Me defies conventional wisdom on negative splits, and the Associated Press reports, “Fat kids found to have arteries of 45-year-olds” – and the 45-year-olds want them back!

We’ll tie up the loose ends with three “nots”:

chiarunner will not be seeing that guy again as Google ends yet another budding relationship.

Runner’s World keeps publishing those “I’m a Runner” columns when it would probably be more motivating to profile a bunch of couch potatoes and call it “I’m Not a Runner.”

And Viper was not funny this week.

That’s all for this time, friends. Submit your posts to carnival@runningisfunny.com and don’t fracture your funny bone. Now run away!

BQ or Bust

I’ve made qualifying for the Boston Marathon my goal ever since running a 3:43:34 in the 2006 California International Marathon. Unfortunately, injuries at inopportune times have trashed my training for the past two years.

I’m healthy now, and may even attempt a spring marathon. I’ll be 50 next month, and so I need to reduce my best time by at least 7 minutes and 35 seconds to BQ. That’s roughly 17 seconds per mile.

I’ll periodically document my progress here as motivation, but I’ll try not to bore you. Today I ran 6 miles in 49-flat, so I only need to string together another 20.2 miles at that pace and I’ll be set!

I improved 13 minutes from my first to second marathon, but I would be interested in hearing from others who are, or have been, in this situation – needing an attainable, but significant, PR in order to qualify for Boston.