Why I Don’t Try-athlon

I was watching highlights of an Ironman competition in Lake Placid on TV yesterday while doing the laundry (yes, I’m living the wild life). I admire triathletes and I avoid calling them nuts because non-runners call me nuts. Nevertheless, I’d never even think about doing one.

The first problem is the swimming. You have to cover 2.4 miles of ocean – horizontally. If the race were to determine who could most quickly sink from the surface to the ocean floor, I might have a chance. Running a marathon is tough, but at least no one is kicking you in the head during the start.

Second, the transitions. What other kind of race requires you to change clothes, and that time is included in your race time? People wear all kinds of special gear and train for months. Does that mean you also have to train to put on your running shoes faster and peel off your wetsuit faster? (“OK, honey, your wetsuit PR is 8.3 seconds, grab the zipper and GO!”)

Next, the bike. Not the cycling, the bike itself. If everything goes perfectly, it shouldn’t be beyond reason to cycle 112 miles. But things don’t go perfectly and apparently you have to double as a bike mechanic and carry spare inner tubes, Allen wrenches and pumps. During a marathon I have never had to stop and resole my shoes.

And who wants to race wearing one of those goofy aerodynamic bike helmets? Why not really stand out and wear a Rocketeer helmet?

I’ll stick to the distance runner’s triathlon: running, eating and snoozing.