Murphy Was a Runner

Your chances of an injury rise proportionally with the amount of the entry fee you just paid.

If a race brochure says “no dogs or strollers,” you will see a dog get hit by a stroller.

You will set a PR the day your chip falls off at the starting line.

If that cute guy/girl is checking out your butt, it’s because you split your shorts.

You will apply Vaseline to your back and BenGay to your … chafed areas.

At Mile 24 of your marathon, the aid station will be handing out espresso-flavored Clif Shots.

Your finish line photo will show you with happy boobs … and you’re a guy.

After waiting in line for 45 minutes, your Porta-Potty will be out of paper … and seat covers … and then the lock will jam.

As you sprint to the finish you will be nosed out by a 10-year-old girl.

Medical research will reveal that eating half-bananas causes sterility.

You win the Boston Marathon and find someone else is wearing the laurel wreath.

You’re mistaken for an elite runner, but it’s Secretariat.

You set the alarm properly, eat a sensible breakfast, stretch, warm up, pack your gear, and get to the starting line in plenty of time … because you forgot the race is tomorrow.