Runners, Yer Nuts

I can’t believe I posted the Friday Five on private parts and missed this beauty of a story.

Dr. Jason Emer, a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon (of course) is using Botox on (wince) male genitals. Yes, it’s Scrotox, just like the old Saturday Night Live fake commercial of 2010.

“It’s not only cosmetic, my marathon runners and cyclists who get inner thigh rubbing and irritation from sweat, benefit from this treatment as it decreases skin burn,” says Dr. Emer.

Treating inner thigh rubbing with a needle to the balls is like treating a headache with a sledgehammer to the skull.

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Mike - September 26, 2016 at 09:55

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Friday Five: Private Parts (OK For Work, Really!)

This week’s list deals with running and your privates, or the things that cover your privates. Nothing lascivious, if that’s what you were hoping for.

1) “Compared to female runners, female cyclists had decreased genital sensation.” This is not really new.

2) You can now replace your running coach with a sports bra.

3) I foresee chafing issues.

4) Anna Young pumped breast milk while running a half-marathon.

5) Olympics viewer complains to FCC about male genital outline.

The track and field events are nothing short of minor pornography and should be rated R to NC17 clothing that is to tight exposing male genitals is NOT what I had in mind when sitting with my family last night. Something needs to be done. Less Camera time and Slow Motion Of These Runners flip Flopping their way accross [sic] the finish line. These athletes should be required to wear an ahleletic [sic] supporter or precautions should be put in place by the broadcasting network to create a more comfortable family friendly program.

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Mike - September 23, 2016 at 12:07

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Two More Things to Avoid While Running

1) Monitor lizards.

2) Woodchucks.

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Mike - September 21, 2016 at 10:34

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He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother

The World Triathlon Series in Cozumel, Mexico had a dramatic ending as Jonny Brownlee of Great Britain, leading at the time, succumbed to the heat about a quarter-mile before the finish. Fortunately, his brother Alastair was right behind. Here’s the video.

Jonny was taken to the hospital but is doing well.

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Mike - September 19, 2016 at 09:56

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Marathon Pun Alert: How to “Train” on the “Track”

Thanks to the million or so of you who notified Running Is Funny about the Via Marathon in Allentown, Pennsylvania last Sunday. Runners were held up, some for as long as 10 minutes, by a train crossing the marathon route.

This was bad news for those trying to qualify for Boston, but in this case the train crossing was at mile 7 and happened about one hour into the race – meaning the front of the pack was unaffected.

At the 2009 Des Moines Marathon a train crossed the course at mile 26, cutting off the leader, Simon Sawe. As you can see from this photo, quite a few people caught up to Sawe as he waited for the train to pass, but fortunately for him he managed to outsprint his opponents and win anyway.

desmoines

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Mike - September 15, 2016 at 11:13

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Unsurprising Finding of the Week

Research shows that exercise actually makes you more likely to drink.”

Second unsurprising finding: “As for what to drink, beer comes out on top.”

Cheers!

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Mike - September 13, 2016 at 11:13

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Race Report: Rock the ’80s 10K

I’ve run Rock the ’80s in the past and it’s always a lot of fun. But it took a series of unusual events to put me on the line this year.

For one thing, last year’s race moved 40 miles away so I didn’t do it. It reportedly moved back to my neighborhood this year only after it failed to get permits in its new location. Normally a 5K, 8 mile and 8-mile relay, the organizers ditched the relay and added a 10K.

If it had remained the old distances I wouldn’t have done it, and if it had been scheduled for Sunday I wouldn’t have done it, because I’m in the middle of a training schedule that called for a 12-miler on Sunday (which I did in 2:01). I was already scheduled for a 6-miler on Saturday though, so the race fit in perfectly.

There were only about 300 runners, so I figured I was in contention for the age group medal I was lusting after. Still, I had no idea how many people were doing the 10K, or how many were in my age group. It was a 10-year age group, so guys more than seven years younger than I am could be in it. I resolved to go all out. The weather was warm but not uncomfortable.

Mile 1 – 8:57

Mile 2 – 8:35

For comparison’s sake, I ran a practice 10K last Tuesday and my first two miles were 9:32 and 9:09. I was either going to blow up or run a great time.

Mile 3 – 8:34

Mile 4 – 8:34

We lost all the 5K’ers at about 2.4 miles, but the 8-milers didn’t split off until about mile 4. At this point there were only two runners in front of me that I could see, but I couldn’t see that far.

Mile 5 – 8:44

Mile 6 – 8:27

I passed both runners between miles 5 and 6, and ran fueled by fear that I would start dropping back. As I turned for the finish I could see the clock still reading 52-something but my last sprint didn’t get me there in time.

Finish – 53:09

I had no idea if that was enough for an award, but I had run my fastest 10K in 7 years. After recovering for a bit, I headed over to the results tent and, miracle of miracles, I had won the 50-59 age group. The organizers congratulated me and handed me the coveted 3.5-inch diskette medal.

Later that afternoon the full results were posted, and they dampened the achievement quite a bit! There were a grand total of 45 10K finishers, of whom 16 were men (only three in my AG). All told, three males did not get an age group medal. I finished 6th overall.

It didn’t bring me down, though. I just figure it makes up for those races where I ran huge PRs and still finished low on the AG rankings.

Next up: Lumiere’s Two-Course Challenge at Walt Disney World in eight weeks.

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by Mike - September 12, 2016 at 06:00

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