“A Futile Fitness Disaster”

This guy is peddling some sort of fitness fad, but he does have a provocative thesis with a blog post headlined, “The Cardio Myth Exposed!”

He begins with:

Endurance exercise is a futile fitness disaster…

Endurance exercise – the universally touted “cardio” – is not the key to health and fitness. Quite the opposite. Cardio is a myth that is not only unhealthy and potentially dangerous, it is completely unnatural.

No doubt you’ve heard otherwise from countless health “experts” who urge you to pound the pavement or jump on the treadmill for hours at the gym. But your body wasn’t designed for long, repetitive exercise. Worse, it can make you more vulnerable to disease.

And runners are singled out…

Our ancestors didn’t run marathons or jump around for an hour doing aerobics. And they didn’t sit in front of computers or the television the entire day. They moved around a lot at a low level of exertion. And then every once in a while they exerted themselves at nearly 100% of their capacity – hunting prey or escaping from it.

This pattern of brief intense movement, followed by rest, and lots of low level activity is hardwired in your genes. Your muscles, bones and organ systems are reflections of this genetic design. The way they work together is the formula for strength, vitality and long life.

He quotes one researcher who examined marathon runners and said, “Their hearts appear to have been stunned,” adding, “Your body doesn’t know whether you’ve run a marathon… or been hit by a truck.”

I’m suspicious of all advice that we exercise like cavemen, or run like the Tarahumara, or go on the Paleolithic diet. Nor am I interested in hunting wildebeests bareassed with a spear or hitting women over the head with a club and dragging them away by their hair… although I suspect we’re fast approaching the point where someone will market the latter on the Internet as the ancient secret of picking up chicks.

I’m sorry if you don’t agree. Just don’t fling poo at me.

Doughnuts and Running: Two Great Things That Go Great Together

The next best thing to being at the Krispy Kreme Challenge is to have a 10-minute documentary of the race from start to finish.

The winner finished in 30:20, which is only slightly slower than I can run 4 miles without eating a dozen doughnuts.

Friday Five: Signs You Should Cut Your Long Run Short

1) Buzzards are flying lazy circles overhead.

2) Your salt stains are so thick and white you look like Lot’s wife.

3) After you make the turn for home, you wonder “What’s that lying in the road?” and it’s your tibia.

4) You keep singing the Pata Pata song aloud, even though you don’t understand a single lyric.

5) The plot of “Lost” begins to make sense to you.

Do Not Try This at Home

I am not so egotistical to believe that because this site is called Running Is Funny that other sites cannot also tell funny running stories. However, it’s not as easy as some people might think.

Exhibit A

This is a story that probably looked clever on the drawing board. I believe the writer must be single, because if he had showed it to his wife before posting, he would have known by her non-reaction that it wasn’t funny. The Lovely Mrs. A. is the toughest humor critic on the planet. She doesn’t laugh at anything I write. She’s scowling over my shoulder right now.

OK, she’s gone… So if he had the marital advantage, he never would have made such a lame attempt.

And then there’s the photo.

When in doubt, leave it to the professionals. Right, dear?

The Carnival of Running #60

Welcome to the 60th edition of The Carnival of Running!

If you missed the Millrose Games on ESPN2, here’s Bernard Lagat winning his 8th Wanamaker Mile with a convincing kick:

That’s a great achievement, but I wonder if it surpasses that of Nolan Shaheed, who ran a world record 4:57.06 mile – at age 60.

You might experience performance anxiety, but how about Stacy Schwartz, whose half-marathon was followed by a matinee performance in a musical, the same day? That’s nothing compared to Adam Goucher, who has a deadline of late April to impregnate his wife, Kara. If he fails, she will resume marathon training. Do you realize how many running jokes I could place here?

In race organizing news, the Big Sur Half Marathon received gold certification from the Council for Responsible Sport for being so eco-friendly. I’ve run that race twice, and I was more impressed with the beer and minestrone soup. Toronto has two major marathons, but the traffic problems induced the city to attempt to merge them. Honda signed on as the title sponsor of the Los Angeles Marathon, while the Sacramento Cowtown Marathon will ditch the marathon distance, and needs a new name for the half-marathon because of the spoilsports in Fort Worth. So they’re having a naming contest! See the rules here. You’ve got until February 17. The winner receives a lifetime entry.

Princess Beatrice of York is being headlined as the first member of the British royal family to attempt a marathon. I loved the photo that accompanied this story. It was captioned, “Princess Beatrice and her long-term boyfriend Dave Clark leave Nobu restaurant at 1.30 am.”

Her long-term boyfriend seems to be a disarticulated arm, which I guess some women might prefer.

Beatrice will run the London Marathon, probably because registration for the Krispy Kreme Challenge is already closed. Doughnut veteran Laura Eynon has some important tips for those who received entries, such as, “You can’t let the doughnuts see you get afraid.”

Chances are now very good that participants in the World Record Kilt Run in Perth, Ontario, will in fact set a world record. As of last week, 815 runners were registered, which would smash the previous record of 200. The first 500 registrants received a free kilt, and they’ll be able to get their faces painted like Braveheart, too.

If you haven’t already, read this San Francisco Chronicle article about a vast study that finds more mileage is mo’ better.

Here’s an interesting idea. The folks at WearYourNumber.com imprint your bib number directly onto a racing singlet or tech shirt. No more safety pins!

Anyone can give you running advice. Christine Luff gives you porta-potty advice.

This week’s linky love goes out to Looking for Serendipity and Sesa in Stride, where it’s a circus. A flea circus.

That’s all for this week, friends. Today is The Day the Music Died. Submit your posts to carnival@runningisfunny.com. Until next time, run away!

Barefoot or Barefaced?

Back in August 2009, Tellman Knudson sent out a press release announcing he would run barefoot from New York to Los Angeles to raise $100 million for homeless youth.

Today, a Vermont newspaper reports Knudson spent four months and $500,000 in road expenses to reach West Virginia, then returned to his Vermont home to “regroup.” Now he has to explain to the Internal Revenue Service how he’s collecting donations without being registered as a non-profit organization.

If Knudson’s charity seems a bit hinky, so does his Internet marketing business OvercomeEverything.com. The Rutland Herald lists some of Knudson’s consumer problems here.

Turns out his running mileage didn’t stand up to scrutiny either.

Off camera, however, Knudson wasn’t running his promised 26 miles a day. He didn’t hit that goal until Oct. 25, his Web site reports, then dropped to seven miles on Oct. 26, three miles on Oct. 27 and no miles on Oct. 28, when he took one of several multiday breaks because of problematic weather or persistent foot injuries.

Maybe this is all a misunderstanding and bad luck. Maybe Knudson really is a caring philanthropist. But I would suggest that if you want to give money to support homeless youth, donate to the organizations that provide them with direct services. And do your research, regardless.

The Great Pancake Day Race

Ladies, there’s still time to register for the Great Pancake Day Race in Cherokee, Iowa.

According the Cherokee Chronicle Times:

The race includes women who wear a dress, an apron, and a head scarf, all carrying a pan with a pancake. At the start of the race, all runners must flip their pancake, then run the 415-yard course, winding through town and ending at the church where they must again flip their pancake to finish.

There are more pictures from last year’s race here.

Of course, as with all novelty races, this one is really owned by the Brits:

The Great Pancake Race 2009 – Pancake Day London

Ah, women, running and pancakes. All the ingredients for a great day.