Running Is Funny

Bravo to Ugo Sansonetti, who set the world record for 90-year-old runners in the 800 meters by covering the distance in 4:28.07.

Here’s video of Ugo’s accomplishment. I love how he checks his watch.

When you host a world-famous running site, people seek out your expert opinions on all sorts of great and useful products related to running – shoes, apparel, detergent, iPods, Garmins, you name it.

When you host a running site called Running Is Funny, people immediately think “monkey butt.”

The good folks at Anti Monkey Butt Powder believe this is the perfect vehicle to let you know about their product. And, fortunately for both of us, they’re right.

AMBP is a powder designed to prevent and relieve chafing caused by the friction of clothing on “sensitive” areas. This is a problem common not only to runners, but cyclists and long-haul truckers as well, which results in the unsightly and painful monkey butt (or monkey thighs, but I digress).

There are a number of solutions to this problem, the worst one being to walk out of the bathroom with your pants around your ankles, shouting, “I have monkey butt, honey! Look!” Not that that is something I would ever do, you understand.

Better yet to apply AMBP as a preventative or treatment. It’s not a magic formula; it’s sensible. It contains talc, calamine powder, and fragrance (which is neutral and pleasant). Calamine has been used for generations as a mild anti-itching agent. So even if you have chicken pox rather than monkey butt, it will bring you some relief.

I don’t get monkey butt, but I do suffer from occasional thigh chafing after long runs, so I applied AMBP liberally - too liberally, actually. A little bit of the product goes a long way, and if you’re not careful you could end up with paste pants. It worked just as well as my usual application of vaseline, though I do have to say the vaseline held up better over the very long haul. You’re probably also better off with a lubricant on your toes, rather than a powder.

Once you get a hang of the dosage, it feels better on your skin and you don’t have to deal with the goopy mess than vaseline can cause. But its biggest advantage is that the calamine powder will soothe your inflamed skin if you already have chafing and want to feel better.

You can purchase Anti Monkey Butt Powder directly from their web site at $5.95 for a six ounce plastic bottle, or at a Rite-Aid or Walmart near you. I suspect six ounces will last a long time. They also sell Lady Anti Monkey Butt. I have a pretty good marketing idea, but I’m trying to keep this G-rated.

Anti Monkey Butt Powder is for external use only, so no matter how ugly some of your friends may be, DO NOT rub Anti Monkey Butt Powder on their faces. It will not have the desired effect.

Roman Mica thinks the running of the bulls in Pamplona needs to be about 26.2 miles longer. Perhaps, but then this old Brooks Running ad might become reality.

I went out for a final run this morning in the beautiful San Diego weather. I didn’t have time to map a six-mile route, so I decided to run outbound for 30 minutes, then run back. With my usual negative splits, I was guaranteed a full six miles.

I ran along Harbor Drive, which is very scenic, unless vagrancy upsets you. I ran all the way past the airport and toward the Sheraton, which sits on a peninsula. At about 28 and a half minutes, the sidewalk seemed to curve around in a big circle back in the direction I had just come. So, instead of simply making a 180-degree turn at 30 minutes, I continue to follow the road.

It took me by the marina, which was really nice, and along I went for about a mile and a half when I discovered: 1) a parking lot; 2) a fence; and 3) the end of the marina. I hugged the edge of the fence, looking for a way through but, naturally, I had failed to map read properly ahead of time and had reached a dead end. So now I had to make my 180, except I had already been running for 40 minutes.

I was afraid to be late, so I picked up the pace on the way back, missing my Gatorade or water or anything, but managed to reach the hotel after a run of 1:17, which means I ran at least 9 miles, possibly 15k.

Running where your nose leads you in an unfamiliar city can be a lot of fun, but don’t go out fat, dumb and happy like I did. Plan your route or bring fluids for unexpected detours. Fortunately it was impossible for me to get lost, but in case of dire emergency you should probably carry cab fare or at least enough for a phone call. I ended up having a great run, but it wasn’t a smart one.

I had a good time today running the Coronado 15k. For those of you unfamiliar with California geography, Coronado is an island off the coast of San Diego with about 26,000 residents and a lot of Navy ships. I’m staying in a hotel near the San Diego Convention Center, so I had to come up with a reliable and cost-effective way to get to the 7 a.m. start. Unfortunately, since it was the 4th of July it required getting up at 4:30 so I could get ready and walk the half-mile to the bus stop to get the one and only bus that would get me there on time – actually, about an hour early.

I can tell you there aren’t many people standing around at bus stops in singlets, shorts and bib numbers on a holiday weekend at 5:30 a.m. in downtown San Diego. There were, however, a couple of other runners on the bus when it arrived, so it was all “hail fellow, well met” after that.

I expected to see the 3,000 frighteningly fit runners in the start area. Even the old ladies look like they could crush your spleen. San Diego weather is so perfect you rarely have an excuse not to run. What I wasn’t expecting was how friendly everyone was. Total strangers started conversations with me about PRs, the route, and what pace I expected to run. A charming German woman practiced her English on me while I explained the old school, run-down-the-chute-in-order-and-tear-off-the-bib-tag-to-hand-in-at-the-finish timing system.

I brought a Clif Bar to while away the hour and then lined up at the start in the middle of a baseball diamond. The weather was wonderful… mid 60s with a steady ocean breeze. We started on time, but almost immediately bottle-necked for almost the entire first mile. But it had little overall effect on my race.

Mile 1 – 9:27
Mile 2 – 8:34
Mile 3 – 8:47
Mile 4 – 8:40

I’m pretty sure the second mile marker was a little off, so those last three splits are actually more even than they appear. The crowded start insured I didn’t go out too fast, so I was pretty comfortable.

Mile 5 & 6 – 17:28 (8:44 average)
Mile 7 – 8:33
Mile 8 – 8:31
Mile 9.3 – 11:12 (8:36 average)

Everything was exceedingly smooth, my splits were negative, but I didn’t exactly set the world on fire. I ran it at about the same pace as my last 10-mile training run. No better. No worse.

There was no chip time, but my watch read 1:21:12 at the finish, an 8:42 pace. I finished 473rd out of 1204, and 35th out of 60 in my age group.

So I’m neither thrilled, nor disappointed. It was “fine.” Time to start bumping up the distance when I get home.

After leaving the blast furnace heat of Sacramento behind, what a lovely experience to head out for a run with the temperature in the mid-60s. With a breeze!

I ran the America’s Finest City Half-Marathon here in San Diego back in 2005 and had an awesome time… well, if you don’t count that trek up the hill at 6th Street. But it’s a real joy to run by the ocean and I’m looking forward to Saturday’s 15k in Coronado.

Roughly seven miles this morning without a problem, so some decent rest tomorrow should do the trick. May not get to post tomorrow, so Happy Independence Day to everyone and good luck to all racers.

Last week I regaled you with my 1500 meter exploits at the Pacific Association 2009 Summer All Comers Series track meet. Now that the official results are in, it’s time to correct the record:

1) Of the 153 finishers in all the track events, exactly 22 were at or above the legal drinking age in California.

2) Had I instead run the 3000 meters as I had planned, I still would have been 4th, but I would have finished ahead of three other runners.

3) The two kids who led the way in the 1500 meters were 18 and 17 years old. The winner ran 4:28 flat.

4) The runner I referred to as the “older guy” was 49 years old. He ran a 5:39. He’s also a founding member of a local running club and his marathon PR is 2:55.

5) My official time was 6:09.24.

6) High School Track Girl turned out to be 12 years old.

That’s pretty sobering stuff. So if there is ever an “all comers” meet in your area, prepare to be humbled.

I’m headed down to San Diego for a week. I have time for one last training run before Saturday’s 15k on Coronado. I’m going back to playing with kids my own age.